The Pigs
by Grimo
Summary: P rik, Vivian, Mike and Neil decide to get jobs by joining the police so they can make money. All they need to be able to do to get in is go "CCCCCHHHHHHH" into their radio. They eventually get it. They immediately start work at Sun Hill. Uh-oh.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Must... Get... Money...

Mike the cool one was sitting with his feet up at the table while making sure his hair looked alright. Rik was dancing to Young Ones the radio (again). Neil was cooking lentils for supper (again). Vivian crashed through the ceiling and landed on the couch with a letter, he looked rather happy.

'Look!' Vivian yells out. 'I've got great news!'

'Great news?' Rik asks while turning his radio off. 'Would it by any chance be as greater as the last great news you brought us?'

'What was that?'

Rik sighs. 'The news you had that you finally got your aim right into the toilet!'

'Oh that news. No! Well sort of, but this good news is about our jobs.'

Mike suddenly looked interested. 'Ooh. Come on then tell us the great news.'

Vivian started to read the letter in his hands. 'Congratulations you basteds. Such a perfect start. You seem like a decent bunch of girls, so we are going to let you into the police force, if you can go "CCCCCHHHHHHH" into your radio.'

'Now that sounds familiar,' Neil said tensely. 'Like I've done it before.'

'Oh shut up Neil!' Rik winged. 'And hurry up with my supper!'

'Shhhiiiicck?' Mike asked.

'No, no,' Rik said bossily. 'It's like this, Chhhhik! No that's not right either.'

'I know,' Vivian announced. 'Would it be something sort of similar to this? ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!?'

'Not even close!' Rik said nastily. 'Should be like Shhhhhhhit.'

'CCCCCHHHHHHH?' Neil asked as he turned away from cooking his lentils. While everyone turned to look at Neil in wonder, Neil quickly turned back to his lentils.

'Oh,' Rik said with his hands on his hips. 'I see. Lentil boy here thinks he knows how it's done does he? Well, I hate to break it to you hippy, but you're wrong.' Rik gets into an acting position. 'Oh hippy, isn't this tricky. Always thinking of your upper, but never thinking of my supper. Oh hippy isn't this tricky.'

'No,' Vivian stated. 'It isn't. It should be more like Chhhhiiiickkk.'

'Now, now lads,' Mike said calmly. 'It's definitely more like this, CCCCCHHHHHHH.'

'Ah,' Rik smiled. ' CCCCCHHHHHHH.'

'That's right,' Mike nodded. 'Neil Vivian?'

' CCCCCHHHHHHH.'

' CCCCCHHHHHHH.'

'Excellent,' Mike said while standing up. 'That's how it's done. We march to the police station at once, must... get... money...'

They all start marching together to the police station.

*

Vivian is sitting across from the Police Chief at his desk. They are having a staring competition.

'Now,' The Police Chief snapped while being freaked out by Vivian. 'The ultimate test. Can you go CCCCCHHHHHHH into your radio?'

'Yes I can,' Vivian nodded.

'Great,' the Police Chief smiled. 'err, will you show me?'

'Oh yeah,' Vivian gets out his radio. 'CCCCCHHHHHHH.'

'Excellent, well done! Now the rest of you may come in now!'

Rik, Mike and Neil walk in and sit down on the other chairs next to Vivian.

'Now,' The Police Chief said after biting into his chocolate chip cookie. 'You've all past on the first go. Except for, Rik, who got it on his six hundredth go.' Rik goes bright red. 'Well done, you have all made it into the police force. Welcome to Sun Hill police station.'

'Yeah,' Neil said in his version of enthusiastic. 'We're pigs!'


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two: First day on the job

Rik was getting ready for his first day on the job. He had spent two hours in the bathroom trying to

build up the courage to squeeze a zit, in the end he decided not to. However, on the way down the stairs Vivian appeared out of nowhere and squeezed it for him. Rik screamed out in pain for about five seconds then stopped when realizing it wasn't that bad.

'Yeah thanks a lot Vivian,' Rik said smugly.

'Oh that's alright Rik!' Vivian shouted proudly. 'Just trying to help!'

'Oh shut up, Vivian.'

Mike was sitting at the table in the kitchen with his feet up on the table. Rik walked in with Vivian on his back like a little kid.

'Where's Neil?' Mike asked without looking at them. 'He hasn't made the tea yet.

'Oh well,' Vivian said disappointedly, 'looks like it's raw tea again.'

Vivian got out a tea bag and ate it.

Neil briskly walked in wearing his police uniform. 'Hey lads.'

'Oh, hey Neil,' Rik said sarcastically. 'Noticed _we've_ had to make our _own_ tea today?'

'Well I had to get ready for work ok, just don't bring me down,' Neil acted as though he was about to sulk. Rik snorted like a pig.

'Right then,' Mike said getting up (Vivian copied), 'Off to work.'

Mike got to stay at the station with DI Max Carter, for some reason Mike pretended he had been a DI before and was immediately allowed to become one again.

Rik got to go and patrol with Roger. Rik kept saying how much of a fan he was to him, but Roger had no idea what he was talking about. Roger kept saying how much of a fan he was of Rik, but Rik had no idea what he was talking about, but enjoyed the praise.

Vivian got to go on patrol with Leon, he was too much for poor Leon to handle. Vivian set the patrol car on fire when showing off to his friends who saw him as a PC. He is yet to await his punishments at the end of the day (luckily).

Neil was with Sgt Stone on patrol. Stone was bossing Neil around, and being rather unfair, so Neil thought. He made Neil go and buy the coffee and then threw it out when taking off for an important call. Neil thought it was a waste and he was just trying to be mean to the rookie.

Vivian and Leon received a call through the radio. _'Get the guy in the red jumper and pink pants. last seen 15 steps behind your patrol car.'_

Vivian replied, 'RECIEVED, WE'LL GET THIS COMPLETE AND UTTER BASTARD FOR YOU!'

Leon jumped out of the car and perused on foot. Vivian jumped into the driver's seat of the car, turned on the sirens and sped off after him like a maniac.

The guy turned out to be a free runner, so Leon had no chance of catching him. Vivian was close on his tail, and he had the Ace of Spades song cranked up. Vivian sped up to full speed and hit the guy with his car. He flew up into the air, higher and higher and higher, until he was out of sight.

Leon stood thee shocked, and trying to catch his breathe.


End file.
